Cigs...

I am not a fan of cigs. I find them quite repulsive, but when i find them i feel they need me. Or maybe i need them. To my surprise I keep them. Often stashing them away until one day i have a few hours to myself. I am not a bad person, but sometimes want to do BAD things. Singing and cigs don't mix, still i find myself intrigued. Cigs... the escape from myself for a moment. Why escape? I ask this over and over again. I am not a bad person, but sometime want to do bad things. The sky seems so bright, yet i tend to find the darkest corners. Thoughts seep deep into realms of blackness. I never seek cigs, but they occasionally seek me. I am not a bad person, but i sometimes..seek Bad things...

Scream....Storm...

Stress....Music....Promotion....Parties...Planning....Pushing....Weight Gain....Friends....Relationship....Love....Beams....Family....Money...Work....School....Excersize...Niece...Nephew...Fun Time...WOrk....Music....Parties...Beams....New...Old...Vacation...Stress

...AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Reading this fast enough might give you a glimpse of how my brain moves....lol Its hard being me...I don't like it sometimes only bc my mind is ALWAYS on the move....ALWAYs...Maybe this is what has me looking like Storm lately!? 

A single white hair has grown in the front of my hairline! 

Yes a.... WHITE HAIR!!!! omg i know.. 23 years old and finally it happens...

It didn't or doesn't bother me too much but i have over analyzed it to the point where NOW....its bothering me -__- just the thought! 

Well its time for a vacation...but its not very likely... :( hopefully soon you will read a miracle blog from me! lol 

I've missed you..

I have been going through "it"... But what better place to talk about "it" than here my person public diary O_o lol
Well when it comes to my emotions i am a bit of a loner. i rather not talk about my feelings. Especially because i don't have "friends" to talk about them with... Yes i don't have "friends"...many associates, but no real companion. its difficult to trust and love someone now a days.
anyway enough of that sob story, i missed writing to you... my ears...my hope...my sanity...