early morning phone calls

...................................................................................i..........................................................................................dont.....................................................................................like.................................................................................................them....................when......................................................its.................................................her.....................................................................get............................................................... it..........................................good................dont get it........................i.................................know....

probably never will. You say i don't trust you, I just need to understand you. If calling her in the morning and texting her throughout the day makes you happy, and you are not doing anything wrong then what am i to say? 

................nothing............bc..................a...........................friend...............i......................should....be.

not your enemy.........i..........dont.......................trust.............................................her.........................................................................................and.......................how....can..............this.......................friendship................take.....place...............if..................you..............cant..........be.......................around.............each.other?

iguessonlytimewilltell

......sweet lover......

juju<33 div="">

I write because I'm happy.

Life is a fucking roller coaster, first i know what i want then suddenly I don't know SHIT...
Emotions take over the realm of reality, getting you to forget what path is the one to take
I cry I laugh I shy away from death just one more day
The smile on the faces around me help me out of darkness, only for one more day
I want to start writing to record the emotions that stop me from the path at hand.
I write because I am happy
Happiness steers me wrong

What is love

He says he loves me
He says he loves her
What is love anyway?
Does love happen only at a convenience.
Only when the person is all you see.
He says he loves me
But also loves her
In different types of ways but
What is love anyway?
Love makes you feel complete
Love makes you feel alone
Love pulls you to despair
Love comforts you when all is lost
He does these things for me
He says he loves
Does he do this for her
What is love anyway
A mistake, a truth, a lie, a coincidence, a hug, a smile
what is love anyway
What ....is....love

HER

I wrote to HER today
Hopefully it wasn't in vain
What do I feel about what HER may say
I may know HER
I may not
My love for HER is not lost
I think why did i do it?
Do in need HER
Do i love HER
am i lonely
do i care about HER
She can only change HER I can't accept that

just...going...to...write

I feel it.
Deep down inside.
my own fault though.
I looked
I checked..
Nothing new...
I known all along
It is not ok
Ill drown myself in sorrows
in pain from the past because that is a lllllll we are right now....shadows of the PAST

r.i.p. Maya Angelou ~May 28, 2014~

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better"

rant

Today...
We woke up in bliss
Drove off to start a new
The new came with too many things to do
I became distressed with things not yet to come
I closed myself off to everyone
You closing my window
As I gathered my thoughts
An explosion beginning
without even a word
We both saw it coming but walked onward
I am not going to lie, I could have done what you asked for. I took no different path then what I have done before. You told me to head slow but my treading became unsteady. I continued to go until there was no more left for me. I understand I choose wrong but what I cant do is admit it, I am wrong as the sun in the middle of the night. As wrong as the killer who wants to do right. I am wrong and shamed for not knowing it quite. You are not perfect and the things you choose to say not always in the right place but I admit to never being a step ahead. I admit I could have made some better choices instead you are right for not believing in anything ive said for the time we will leave this at a small price to be paid until you are right and forever ill be paying in your debt.

Dreamer's Lounge

Ambience
Class
Silver bottom wine glass
Champagne flutes
White gowns with tints of rouge
Neon signs
Limited souls to finely whined
Arts on canvas
Shoes wore for dancing
Performing the charm
As a lover leaves the bar
Risk
Good Cause
All inside of the 21st century Dreamer's Boulevard

back again

Hello fellow bloggers,


I am back from yet another few months of what seems like endless torture. endless rehearsals shows thinking fights homework papers research bills hours at work dirty clothes gaining weight unfinished chores ....the list goes on and on.


I need time to vent, time to myself, time to let go and learn that I am fucked up.


What I need is time with myself. I get clouded in the vision of life. life seems to take over and knock the wind from my lungs.


in a few moments this blog will end and I will go back to my what feels like endless stress.




endless unhappiness