NEW YEARS EVE

TODAY I START A NEW YEAR FILLED WITH NEW THINGS...

Many say this but really I have a new baby on the way so this year my life changes drastically.
I let go of all negativity. I forgive and forget, but this doesn't mean I take my feet off the ground I stand.
with this year I give everything that has had me stuck a chance to lift me up.

I will present myself as the lady I know I can be. I will be a mother in all its essence. my family will be priority and I will leave my troubles in god's hands. no other PRESENCE WILL LEVITATE MY FEET FROM THE GROUND I HOLD. I will hold my head high and appreciate myself and treat myself KIND.

I will set goals and accomplish those goals, and never stray from the path I have given myself.

I will trust with all of my being. I will love with all if the fibers that make me ME.

I am ready

FUCK he makes life worth it...

You say forever and I hold you to that...

He holds me like a real man should, knows who is down for him and is smart in doing so ;)

My MAN...

*smile*

you tell me im beautiful everyday when we wake up in each others arms

I am a lucky woman and you, a lucky man

We will show what time couldn't

family .....Ours...


LOVE

HIP HOP

STRAIGHTEN UP AND WAIT FOR YOUR OPENING

;)

GOT IT

incompetent coworkers

ok.............

It is sometimes really hard to deal with fucking idiots and selfish ppl

THATS ALL

Struggling

I am struggling in life at the moment.
but I have faith that it wont be forever
I am blessed with people that want to help me and are there for me even when they cant see how bad it is for me.
I cant ask for anything more than what I have
sometimes I get upset or sad that I even have to be in this place
but I cant ask for everyone to understand
I will breathe through it all
and know where my soul stands
its happy.

Out of Sight out of Mind...home

I wonder if this theory is correct?
Out of sight
Out of mind
.......................
But what if I catch sight of what I am forgetting
then what
?????????????
I pretend
I hide
I don't want this to affect
who I am
you stay there>>>>>>
and I stay<<<<<<<<<honestly I take into consideration that I have what ive wanted
You may temporarily find that once more
taking advantage of his weakness
but you still lose
he will come back to his HOME
you are only a hotel stay
yes fun maybe necessary
but not forever
not this time
or maybe not
you may find yourself chasing nothing
he may be happy and not want to travel....
so be it either way I am
HOME
something you can never be

There for me

you make me better.
it is difficult and takes getting use to
but with a partner like you
I grow everyday

my special man

you make me better.
I can stay who I am its not the worse
but for you I want more
I want to learn

my special boy

you make me better.
better than any of these regulars
im grateful

for you two make me who I have always meant to be

baby BABY baby

 

here you come

here you go

peek a boos

and eskimos

 

here you come

here I go

dirty diapers

and sleepless nights

 

here you come

there he goes

endless thoughts

unanswered questions

 

rock a bye baby

let go LET LOVE

you say you like me
its not the baby
its me...
do I believe you
yes
I know what we have
we've had it for a very long time
we  hate we love
we build we tear
we have been enemies
we have been friends
we like our company
now we have the number
you may have thought you needed
its us plus one
the one that equals us
you say throw the pain from the past away
let go and let love
I agree
I let go
I let love

the way he loves me

The way he loves me
never seems to fail
The way he loves me
is not for sale
The way he loves me
he will never love you
The way he loves me
like a plane for two
The things he says
I can only believe
The way he touches me
makes my heart bleed
No I am not of ignorance of the pain he caused me
But the way he loves me
Cures me eternally

HURTING WORDS

I would love it very much for you to verbalize what you think you know
-that will tear my world upside down... i am not afraid bc i have my own words that will cut the same.

honey you are sad and now you are gone.

 so whatever you think you have wont be valid
unless you can get your way with him again that will be the only way i would believe any words from you.
sad sad truth is that you are alone with many people around you and many dicks in your mouth, maybe you should stop letting men record you? just a thought
well anyway....
one day you will be old and grey and hopefully then you will have no words you think you need to say bc your teeth have gone astray! ;)
god knows i handed him to you like 3 times!!!!!!!!!! he still ran back, i thought you would know why?>
i guess you still dont get it, you are joke
you arent blocked on my phone or from where i stay! Im still waiting for the day your big head is  going to come say something to me or hit me lol
i walked right pass you like 2 times and you still aint do or say nothing.
anywho this is my word to you...

you are long gone and maybe you should MOVE ON 

WORD OF ADVICE

Women out there hopefully reading this post.... Understand the place you hold in this universe.
what you put out is what you will receive. if you are the other woman that man will never make you a wife lol bc that is the title you held to such high esteem. You refer to yourself as a bitch thats what you will be. I put it out to the universe that it was only me, now look at the picture thats drawn. 2 stand alone. I let be known i what i wanted was such and im sure you did too but you arent enough. you women wonder why you get played or hurt well its the fact that you aint shit to him first.
If you were he wouldnt keep on leaving and "finding you again"
you keep living your life as if the romance never ends but sweeeeeeeet sweeeeeet salty one your time has BEEN DONE ENDED
you were there to fill space and for fun times. Nothing serious was being thought in his mind. if it was love you wouldnt be left behind.
i want to wish you well and send you good vibes but.....then i say NAH and hope you kiss my behind
love truly
the wife

the day

SHE LEFT
all praise the Lord
that day is here
shes gone for good
he finally woke up and understood
she left she is gone
from my blissful sight
the day
my world got back its light
its shameful to dislike a human type
but yes she is one of a kind
she feels unique
she feels just right
but God i pray
kick down that horse that stand in her way!
i laugh out loud
so strong and bold
she is sad and screwed for what life beholds
she left hooray
Im glad in all
more that it wasnt really my fault at all!

BYE

baby love...

i feel it
deep down inside
love
was created from spermicide
the process was difficult
it had a price
love
surprised us
one reason why
love i didnt know was there
but only love can cause this
child a bare
love 
i felt it deep in my soul
the way you feel
the beaming sun
love
it left but not too far
it was always real from the start
love 
i hold it just for you
A blessing for us two
love
i feel it deep down inside
love 
created for
YOU AND I

laughing out loud

laughing out loud
sipping my tea
i aint worried about you, worrying about me
bitch!
ill wait for you
we have true love
blahhzee blah blah



ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

you need to stop living in your world..boo ...he stopped smoking may you should too so you can see the reality of the situation...
he wants you out
you were a mistake
he felt he owed you something and he realized who he needed
poor POPPA doesn't want you no mooooooo

laughing
out
loud

you are a sadddddddddddd puppy

FLORIDA

FLORIDA....here i come
FLORIDA...there you go
FLORIDA...you stay still, ill be there
every bit of hope
just grasping my fingertips
every bit of love
melting from my heart
FLORIDA....stay for me
keep me in mind
forever ill be
FLORIDa
fLORIDA
enabling minds
the sun of a hundred faces
floridaaaaaaaa
im in love
see you soon

HERE is looking to the brighter side of things

i am alive
i am beautiful
i am somewhat healthy
i can sing
i get a kiss everyday or every other day
i have family
i have friends
i am funny
i like laughing
i like you
i like me

think

i am different...i am calm...the wind blows vigorously while i walk against it in a swaying manner




breath....breath....breath....breath....breath....count 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 5 6 7 8 9
rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr
think happy thoughts
think positive thoughts
think about peace and equality
think of you and i
what we stand for
love
think think think hard and long

yesterday was nice

I got to see my airport family... love those spirits they make me feel so good
they like me
they think I'm funny
they want me around
they are amazing
they i want to see some more

janice, monika, jaqui, stacy, jaison, carol....love


thank you

today i change my life for the better....

Today i change my life for the best
only positivity
from this moment forward
today i am great
today i am amazing
today i am rich
today i am happy
today i am in love
today i have a fully working car
today i know all of my music
today i am successful
today today today
not tomorrow

my aspiration....

to be happy.....

she is exactly who i thought she was...

You walk around like you are different but.... you are all the same
i aint had shit to do with your little problem but....you included me anyway
you are malicious, devious, loose lipped, manipulative, and untrustworthy
but....i fell for your little trick game whatever you want to call it
i have a hundred and one words to say to you.
you are a bitch, you are a child, nothing about you coincides with me....but you are here
i don't know what he truly sees in you and why he chose to stick you here
love is really a stupid thing
his love for you only came from the result of being malnourished from me...
don't you get that...my leftovers my hurt
you were there to catch and he needed that for that one moment
that why he came back to me
you are a street bitch and always will be one. the way you talk the way you walk the way you smell like a street rat.
the first thing you know how to do is attack, when you don't know anything else to do with yourself you jump to hurt. its fine though bc it doesn't bother me
i know what i am ....do you>?
in denial you think your relationship mattered before now..i didn't
thats bc you chose to do your holy duties with other men and he didn't want no...HOE lol
We can fight all we want but none of that shit matters i can care less about who you are and wanted to save anything with you bc i don't want you here
never did never will
you are fun yes i admit it sometimes but you always go back and do the same shit bringing us back to point A matter of fact we are not even at point A we are at no point what so ever.
you rub me wrong
you fuck me man
you hurt him
and then hurt me or try to at least
you say one thing and then say something else
you are fake and don't know it...which is sad....so sad....go ahead with yourself self destructive self
i am out of here and I'm hoping one day he follows...
if not then i have to feel the bullet and take the pain for what it is...

.....the end

i think she is the P word, its scary bc i already know how i will take this and what my take on this will be.
I won't choose to support something i wanted, nor will i stick around to bother the people around me.
She looks bigger, timid, idk what to think. thats what he wanted though. me or her thats what he wished for. I hope he is happy but i also hope he misses me.
I won't stay, i won't, not what i want.

BANG BANG

I encountered my first gun shots. It was unpredictable, loud, and disturbing.

I was near but not in sight. Makes you think, a lot about life
I don't choose this won't.
until next time.

Safe night

satellites

i love living in the memories of the past, i wait and let them pour in
with music, movies, pictures, words, views
spilling over
things I've stored
thoughts I've found to be worth thinking

what i still don't like

there were many things in the beginning...
now it has dwindled tremendously
I want to be better be
me
but the ppl around are still willing to stand in the same shadow they made
shadows should follow our steps and not walk before us
i try and get tied back
maybe i should go
i think every single time
but i don't go
bc it feels better after the fact
im finding control
while they lose it
signing off

LAS VEGAS!

VEGAS

Lights, dry weather, casinos, drunk people, lots of cameras, beautiful sights.

I went to Vegas with a good friend around the 4th of July. He didn't really enjoy it because the financial situation between us wasn't "fun friendly". Meaning we couldn't do what we wanted. We were on a very tight budget. That is really rarely an issue for me since I LOVE to sight see.... Let me tell you what my experience was so that you'll know a little about going to VEGAS.

We flew on Jetblue which is the best airline ;)
Got in around early afternoon and took public transportation. The bus left us about 2 blocks from the strip, which isn't too bad but prepare for the DRY heat. If you can stay with a hotel that provides a free shuttle. After getting to the strip we had a few hours to kill before checking in so we walked up the strip and ate at Senior Frogs, which looked like a cool spot to spend the night.
We finally got to our hotel and relaxed in the pool. Went out for the night there is so much to see...
Paris themed hotel with a mini Eiffel Tower
Flamingos hotel with a live bird zoo in the back and of course FLAMINGOS!
Cesar Place with Greek statues everywhere.
We also went to movies which is my favorite past time. We walked the strip some more.
You can find deals everywhere make sure to go to Las Vegas website before you go.
We got the buffet for 24 hours which gave us breakfast lunch and dinner. It was amazing
We of course fought. looking back now (i am writing this 3 years later) I could have been way more chill and just enjoyed life. i was such a girl....either way it was a great experience


juju

Year 28.

It's upcoming. 

Less than a month, I become 28 years alive. 

Neither younger nor old. 

I still am amazed by the world. craving more. 

Well this year ill give it to myself. 

The lavish life...martinis. 

NYC views. 

Rooftops. 

Stylish looks. 

Dope company. 

Happiness.

Always looking.

i look at her and think ....how pathetic.
she looks back at me and i see... the pain, the confusion, the blame
Her eyes are sad but her smile as bright as day...
how could she be so bold....i sit and ask myself
I see how she forgets by trying so hard to not regret
I look at her and think... any moment now she'll cry

Soft Realness

Unexpected

Surreal

Unimaginably magical

You made yourself available

We touched lips

You stole me again

enveloped me into your cocoon

Too good to be True...

Who coined this phrase.?.

True can't be good?

True is not even to instill belief.

What could've HAPPENED to that individual. ???

Good is a false sense of hope..

Good revealed at its darkest hour

In fact our dormancy has caused us little faith

happiness on the ideals of fantasy fairytales..

Too good to be True is a fear, an excuse, an escape to continue on the road of shattered dreams and broken values. 

sweet dreams....butterfly kisses

<3 div="" juju="" nbsp="">

...There is....

...THERE IS....

PEACE

LOVE

MISTRUST

MISTAKES

JOY

PLEASURE

PAIN

CONFUSION

...THERE IS....

YOU

ME

today is a GOOD day

I don't revolve my life around this man but when he is around he gets me weak in the knees.

I am happy today and it has nothing to do with sex or extra love. just everything to do with togetherness. he speaks to me about US about what he needs. I listen and take him all in. our souls have always met. no more caring of the other side I will have FAITH hope Love.

Faith is a belief attained when there is nothing showing you the way. You have faith with no proof or no need of substance. Just to believe in something, to believe in something more than What IS...

You are what IS to me...why I let anything or anyone come in between what we have is beyond me.

I am learning quickly though you are OURS.... hopefully we can be happy and start to progress soon

GOD IS GOOD

I don't care what you may say or what you may believe...MY GOD is always there for me.

 

I pray. We talk. He holds me close. and I, HIM....

 

I judge myself HE does not

 

I am hard on myself but HE gives me chances to do it right.

 

He has HOPE in who I am

 

I thank HIM

 

I owe him my happiness and life.

 

Thank you my LORD and Savior

sit it the FUCK down...

hahha

I don't know where she gets off acting like she know the situation...

"WE were trying...you dud US a favor??""
LMAOOOOO

you were not the only ones trying baby WE were also trying his ass would have been using a condom or not having sex with me and we was doing it like every other day...

So sit it the FUCK down....

"You can have the rest of him"
lol

I cant with you...you will fuck up quicker than Bruce LEE can chop you in the face

Honey im getting my game right he aint want me to leave. I didn't say "oh fuck me everyday so I can have your baby and keep you! lol "

YOU KNOW WHO GAVE US THIS CHILD GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
he knows whats best for HIS life and having a child with you aint it...lmao

so again....

SIT IT THE FUCK DOWN..
SHALL I REPEAT??

POINT MADE

SHE

She threatens to leave but so did I...
He agrees but I know that is not what he wants
His forgiving leads us all here yet again.
Over it goes time repeats.
Ive had many many many chances and now it is her turn if she takes them. idk
I don't know what will be but I in a way now she wont leave.
why leave a man so beautiful as he. so much to give but he doesn't know this which leads others to never think he will progress.
will she stay .....will she go...?
I will tell you on the next move that is taken.

I am staying.
As life has it, I am his forever.

Talks...talks...

MY lover and I had a long talk last night it didn't make any solution but it opened up a few thoughts. He doesn't know what the future holds for us but he does know he isn't leaving and he isn't abandoning me. He fought with his other lover yesterday and it made me uneasy to see him get the way he did. I am worried for his health. I need him strong physically and mentally.
He mentioned that there is this man deep inside that he knows is an amazing man that I have never met nor got close to meeting. I probably dreamed about this guy before. I want him around, maybe I can just be myself and see if he appears.
What he says I do:
I don't give him enough private time
I am financially unstable
I talk too much without thinking
my decisions are not the best
I am not confident or strong minded

Verdict- When he asks for a message just GIVE IT HIM lol

i knew it...it was always you

it was always you...
I was ready...
I knew you were coming
scared and ecstatic
I wait for your smile your company your love...
I feel it already
so much
it holds me
it pulls me
im wrapped in it..
you complete me
You it was always you
I felt I was missing something
and now I know
Ive always known

JuJu <3 p="">Mom

If words could kill

Id be dead...

I do this to myself, looking at the way she describes her love for the man who has my heart.
He has led her the wrong path so i can't just hate her i can't just blame her. What am i to do? I love him and its obvious when leaving him got me right back in his arms. He doesn't want her. Think about it??
He called you all the time for help, he wanted to see you, you were in her house, in her car, he snuck away with you...but that made it worse to me playing with ppl emotions. Sex changes EVERYTHING. and i knew that, i kept away as long as i could.

Long time no WRITE...

so much has happened...I debate whether to up date all in one post or to chop it up...maybe chop it up so I can describe each in detail!

Last time we spoke I moved into my own apartment with the love of my life. THATS THE ONLY THING NORMAL YOU WILL HEAR FROM HERE ON OUT.

• We then allowed his lover to move in....yes you read RIGHT lol
• New Years happened..New beginnings, old habits die hard.
• I got a new job with Dollar rental company slash HERZ so much going on there.
• made great friends at Target love her to death!
• Valentine's Day times threeeeee
• Envy and mistrust
• Friends? maybe? maybe not?
• I may be pregnant.....

anywho lets get into this shall we?